


i'm weak (and what's wrong with that?)

by realthicbitch



Series: Bedroom Hymns [2]
Category: Dead To Me (TV)
Genre: Established Relationship, F/F, because a slow burn is not in my wheelhouse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-31
Updated: 2021-01-31
Packaged: 2021-03-17 09:02:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29097726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/realthicbitch/pseuds/realthicbitch
Summary: Later on, when the boys are upstairs for the night, Jen reclines on the sofa with Judy’s legs in her lap. They’ve been trying to decide what they should give up in solidarity with Henry, but Jen thinks the idea itself is pretty stupid. Life is full of enough bullshit and disappointment, why purposefully deny yourself something that you actually enjoy?“What about sex?”Jen meets Judy’s gaze and laughs.
Relationships: Judy Hale/Jen Harding
Series: Bedroom Hymns [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1874506
Comments: 18
Kudos: 61





	i'm weak (and what's wrong with that?)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [berryforager](https://archiveofourown.org/users/berryforager/gifts), [cardeloons](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cardeloons/gifts).



> Hiiii this was born from a conversation I had with pilandok last year about no n*t november, so full credits to them for giving me the idea. I was also incredibly, _enthusiastically,_ encouraged by BerryForager and cardeloons to not give up on this idea, so this is like, 90% for them, and 10% for me. Special thanks to queenc_13 for the final beta and kind words! ilysmbb <3

“Christopher taught us about Lent today,” Henry tells them one night over dinner. “He said we should all give something up that we really like. It’s for forty days, until Easter. I picked dessert. Can we all do it?” There’s a beat of awkward silence where Jen thinks,  _ fuck no,  _ but Charlie speaks up before she can come up with a polite way to decline.

“Huh, I pick homework,” Charlie says around a mouthful of chicken, earning an eye roll from Jen and a laugh from Henry. 

“Sure, Hen. We’ll all pick something,” Judy says earnestly, turning to Jen with a smile so genuine that Jen feels a rush of affection for her. She knows how much it means to Judy to be included, and if giving up something she enjoys means Judy feels loved, then it’s pretty worth it.

“Yeah sure, buddy. We’ll all give something up too.”

“Cool!” Henry launches into a conversation with Judy about the days leading up to Easter, something about a Fat Tuesday and a Good Friday, but Jen isn’t really listening; she’s watching as Judy listens intently to their son and asks him questions that he’s more than excited to answer.

⁂

Later on, when the boys are upstairs for the night, Jen reclines on the sofa with Judy’s legs in her lap. They’ve been trying to decide what they should give up in solidarity with Henry, but Jen thinks the idea itself is pretty stupid. Life is full of enough bullshit and disappointment, why purposefully deny yourself something that you actually enjoy?

“What about wine?” Judy asks, interrupting Jen’s thoughts and gesturing toward the half empty bottle of white on the coffee table. She and Jen share a look, a head tilt, before speaking at the same time. 

“No.”

“No, that’d never work.”

Judy drums her fingers on the bowl of her wine glass.

“What about sex?”

Jen meets Judy’s gaze and laughs.

“That’s ridiculous.”

“Yeah, you’d never make it,” Judy says, and Jen’s laughter dies in her throat.

“Excuse me? I didn’t have sex for like, two years. I think I could handle forty days.”

“Bet you can’t, now that you've had sex with me,” Judy teases, and that’s what does it, brings out the side of Jen that can’t back down from a challenge.

“Fuck you-”

“Not until Easter-”

“-you’ll definitely crack before I do.”

“Winner gets..?” Judy inquires, raising her eyebrows.

“Fuck, I don’t know. Bragging rights, I guess. Something I can tease you about.”

"Aw, you’re so confident. Okay. What are the rules? Hmm… We can still kiss, and cuddle at night… But no sexual contact, and  _ no  _ touching yourself, no orgasms. First one to crack loses.”

"I'm familiar with how bets work, Judy," Jen retorts, already regretting this decision. Forty days without sex, after not being able to keep their hands off of each other for more than a day is going to be fucking awful. Jen can already feel the growing ache between her legs as she thinks about how she can get Judy to cave so it doesn't look like she's the one who lost. 

“When did Henry say this starts?” Jen asks, wondering if they can at least get in one more time.

“Oh, it started today. Why, already can’t take it?”

“Fuck off, Judy.”

⁂

The first week is tolerable. 

Jen throws herself into her work so by the time she finishes for the night it's easy enough to eat dinner, spend time with the boys, and fall into bed already half asleep. 

But it's now week three, day fifteen, and Jen is unraveling. 

The stationary bike in the corner of her room hasn't gotten so much attention in  _ months,  _ and while it helps take the edge off of her frustration and restlessness, it can't fully quell the burning ache between her legs whenever she sees Judy stepping out of the shower and into their bedroom in just a towel. 

Or changing into her pajamas. 

Or flexing the muscles in her arms as she pats her hair dry and ties it up in a bun.

There's so many little things Judy does that make Jen think that losing and being subject to Judy's gloating would be worth it, but Jen's nothing if not stubborn. Her determination to win has kept her together so far, but she's losing it.

Judy, however, is practically glowing. She's been meditating twice a day and doing yoga, insisting that it's all the release she needs. 

Jen knows it's bullshit. 

⁂

It's day seventeen now, and all Jen can think about is how easy it would be to cheat. She's home alone, and it would be so easy to slip her hand into her underwear, rub circles around her clit and pretend it's Judy's tongue and not her own hand. She could come hard around her fingers, dull the now ever-present desire burning its way through her center and into her entire body. Her hand is almost fully under the waistband of her pants when she catches herself, squeezing her thighs together to alleviate some of the building pressure, already uncomfortably wet. 

She groans with desperate frustration, getting up and out of bed to pace around the room. The four walls of her bedroom have never felt so much like a prison until now, because that's what it is; falling asleep with Judy's soft breasts pressed against her back, Judy's hand on her belly with her fingers splayed out, and her lips on Jen's neck is pure torture. 

She's going to make Judy crack first. She can't take this frustration anymore. 

⁂

Day twenty arrives and passes slowly. It's a Friday, and Jen's patience is wearing thin. She's been extra snippy lately, especially with Lorna, who  _ insists  _ she take the boys for the weekend. Jen can't really complain, because while she loves her boys, if she hears Charlie bitch again about his phone being too old, or Henry asks her  _ one more time  _ if Shandy can sleep over (the answer is no; Shandy is an alright kid, but Jen's not sure she likes the idea of her in the house while they're all asleep), she may actually implode. 

It also gives her the perfect opportunity to wear Judy down and make her lose, so it's a win-win, as far as she's concerned. 

That evening finds the two of them watching TV in an uncharacteristic silence. Jen snuggles closer into Judy's side, running her fingertips lightly over Judy's thigh. She feels Judy tense under her touch, hears the smallest hitch in her breath that would have been imperceptible if she wasn't listening for it. Jen rests her cheek on Judy's shoulder, fingers suddenly gripping Judy's thigh in a firm hold. 

"I know what you're doing Jen, it's not gonna work," Judy says firmly, more like she's trying to convince herself. Jen sits up and smirks at the blush working its way up Judy's neck. 

"Hmm, I don't know what you're talking about. I'm just watching TV." 

"Yeah, okay. Sure." 

Jen lowers her head and presses her lips against Judy's throat. Her kisses travel the length of her neck, ending with a chaste peck on Judy's lips. Jen's hands are everywhere and nowhere all at once; she traces her fingers over Judy's ribs, her arms (she pays extra attention to Judy's hands, playing with her rings), coming around to run her fingers over Judy's upper back. She won't let herself touch anywhere she knows will make her lose, the spots that really get Judy going. The mission is to tease, and it's working; Judy leans forward and pulls Jen into a kiss, quickly deepening it with a flick of her tongue over Jen's bottom lip. 

Judy’s fighting fire with fire. She begins her own—much bolder—exploration of Jen's body with her hands creeping under Jen’s shirt to claw at her back. Jen moans and mentally kicks herself immediately afterward. It's been too long since Judy has touched her like this, but Jen has to push back harder, has to ignore the damp, growing heat between her legs as Judy's hands wander over her thighs. 

Jen regains the upper hand when she swings a leg over Judy's lap, straddling her and effectively pinning her down. Judy whimpers as Jen places each of her hands on the sofa behind Judy’s head.

“Come on, baby, you know you’re gonna lose,” Jen purrs in Judy’s ear, tongue darting out to lick a hot trail to Judy’s throat.

Judy gasps but regains control, grabbing Jen’s forearms and gently pushing her to the side. Jen whimpers pathetically at the loss of contact.

“I’m not gonna lose that easily, Harding,” Judy says, crossing her legs and straightening her blouse. She toys with the collar for a moment, watching Jen intently, then she quickly pops three buttons open to flash Jen some cleavage. “Unless, of course, you can’t take it anymore. All you have to do is forfeit.” Judy leans back into the sofa and once again focuses on the TV.

Jen considers it. It’s a very tempting offer. But is it worth her pride? She falters for a moment, realizing that it absolutely is. What the fuck is she doing? 

"Come take a bath with me?" Jen asks breathlessly, scooting closer to loop her arm through Judy’s.

“Is this you admitting defeat?” Judy asks, quirking an eyebrow. “You know you’ll lose the bet, right?”

“Fuck the bet, the bet is over!” Jen almost whines. “I lose, okay? Now will you  _ please  _ get naked with me and take a bath?”

"How could I possibly say no to such a polite request?" Judy teases, rising from the sofa and out of Jen's grip. She reaches out a hand for Jen to take, leading her inside. Jen can’t quite think past the fact that her torture is finally over. A hot flush covers her body as Judy leads her into their bathroom and lets go of her hand to pull her blouse over her head and toss it onto the floor. Jen fills the tub as Judy continues to undress; her bra comes off next, and her skirt and underwear join the growing pile. Jen looks at her almost hungrily, eyes tracing the swell of her breasts and the planes of smooth, tan skin. She knows she'll never get tired of seeing Judy like this, knows that feeling their bodies flushed against one another will never lose its magic. 

Jen is caught staring; Judy laughs and places her hands on Jen's cheeks, pulling her in for a quick kiss. 

"I think that shirt would look better on the floor," she whispers, her hands running over the length of Jen's torso until she finds the hem, tugging it gently until Jen is free of it. 

Jen is no longer afraid to show Judy every part of herself. She spent so long trying to hide from the world, from herself even, but Judy loves her, loves  _ all _ of her, treats every time they're together like it's the first, reminding Jen how beautiful she is, touching and kissing her chest with a reverence that's almost religious. 

Jen’s pants and underwear are on the floor now, and Jen pulls Judy tightly against her, their chests and hips pressed together as they kiss. Judy's hands wander over Jen's back and her ass, never settling in one place for too long. Jen pulls herself away from Judy's touch long enough to climb into the tub, beckoning for Judy to join her. 

Judy settles into the space between Jen's legs and reclines against her chest, sinking lower into the water. Jen wraps her arms around Judy and holds her close. She feels content; a flood of warmth spreads from her chest to her center, and she not-so-subtly grinds against Judy's ass. 

"I knew you weren’t gonna make it," Judy teases, turning her body just enough to meet Jen's gaze. Jen chuckles and tightens her arms around Judy's middle. 

"You called it. But you're just so sexy, I couldn’t help it." Jen rests her cheek on the top of Judy's head and sighs. "I love you," she says, and it's easy, like breathing. 

"I love you, too," Judy assures her, turning fully around to straddle Jen's thighs. She dips her head and kisses Jen's neck, leaving a hickey at the base of her throat. Jen hums, eyes closing, tipping her head back to give Judy better access. Judy kisses her way back to Jen's mouth, sighing when Jen parts her lips for her almost immediately. They stay like that for a while, kissing languidly as the water cools around them, then they're out and drying each other, and Judy is leading her through to their bedroom, guiding her down onto the bed.

Judy straddles one of Jen's thighs and Jen pushes it against her center; the noise Judy makes only spurs her on. She cups one of Judy's breasts in her hand, her thumb teasing a hard nipple, and Jen can feel how hot and wet Judy is against her skin, and she flips them over so she's straddling Judy instead.

"Oh fuck," Judy whimpers when Jen brings her mouth to her breast, covering her nipple with the slick, wet heat of her tongue. Jen trails her fingers over Judy's ribs, her abs, anywhere she can touch before she feels Judy spreading her legs further. Jen reaches the patch of soft curls between Judy's legs and runs a finger through the wetness she finds there, drawing a breathy sigh from Judy's lips. 

"Please, Jen, don't tease me," Judy says, and Jen can hear the desperation in her voice. Jen chuckles and dips a finger inside and then up to Judy's clit, making slick circles that she knows will make Judy's back arch. Judy’s hips buck against Jen’s hand. “Fuck, I was so close to calling it all off,” Judy says, and Jen’s fingers still.

“You mean I still could have won?”

“Yep,” Judy smirks, “but you didn’t.”

“Oh you’re gonna fucking get it,” Jen says, straddling Judy’s hips and tickling her ribs. 

“Fuck, stop it! Jen!” Judy laughs as Jen relentlessly digs her fingers into her sides, but then does stop, leaning forward to kiss her.

"What do you want, baby?" Jen coos in Judy's ear, relishing the way Judy shivers at her breath on her skin. She moves off of Judy and teases the very tip of her clit with the pad of her thumb, making Judy whimper and squirm away from the too-intense sensation. 

“I want you to fuck me,” Judy pants, and that’s enough for Jen to snap. She thrusts two fingers in, revelling in the way Judy mirrors her movements with a rough buck of her hips. Jen curls her fingers and draws a ragged cry from Judy’s throat; she thrusts again, harder than before, then pulls her fingers out slowly. They’re coated with Judy, glistening in the light, and she pushes them roughly past Judy’s lips. Judy’s tongue is hot and obedient as she cleans her arousal from Jen’s fingers. 

“You’re such a good girl,” Jen says as she pulls her fingers from Judy’s mouth, pulling her into a messy kiss. It’s wet and rough, all teeth and tongue, and Jen can taste her, sighs into her mouth and Judy claws at Jen’s back. Jen breaks their kiss and grins wolfishly down at Judy. She knows  _ exactly  _ what Judy wants, what she  _ needs. _ It’s almost too easy to make Judy come, which is a little unfair, Jen thinks, but knowing what Judy likes, what makes her unravel? It’s an intimacy Jen’s never had with anyone, one she realizes she’s never wanted to have with anyone else.

Jen slithers down the length of Judy’s body, leaving hot kisses and bite marks in her wake. She finds Judy’s center with her mouth, her tongue lapping at Judy’s swollen clit as she wraps her arms around Judy’s thighs, holding her in place. She can feel Judy’s arousal coating her lips, her tongue; it’s a taste she’s become addicted to, impossibly turned on by the way it drips down her chin, tangible evidence of how much Judy wants her.

“Fuck, Jen, fuck me baby, please,” Judy whimpers, pushing her hips into Jen’s face, and Jen enters her with two fingers, thrusting hard and fast as she sucks on her clit, flicking her tongue over the hardened bud with every thrust. She curls her fingers, hitting just the right spot until Judy is shaking, almost to the point of no return and then she pulls her mouth away from Judy’s cunt, her fingers leaving her empty and bucking against nothing.

Judy groans, frustrated, and yelps when Jen flips her over roughly. 

“Get on your hands and knees."

Judy does.

“You’re so good for me, baby,” Jen praises, and then her fingers are inside of her again, angled downward and hitting the swollen spot she knows will drive Judy crazy. She dips her head, dragging her teeth and leaving open-mouthed kisses along the small of Judy’s back, moving downwards until she reaches the swell of her ass. She bites down gently and delights in the way Judy yelps at every nip; Jen shivers at the arousal she feels from the sound of Judy’s sighs when she soothes the bites with her tongue.

“Oh god, please don’t stop, ah!  _ Please,  _ Jen,” Judy cries, meeting each of Jen’s strokes with a buck of her hips. Jen reaches around with her other hand and finds Judy’s clit. She circles hard and fast, drawing another cry from Judy’s chest. 

“Are you gonna come for me, Jude?” Jen asks sweetly, slowing her thrusts but increasing the pressure on Judy’s clit. She knows, this is exactly how Judy likes it to end: gentle and with sure, deliberate touches. 

“I’m gonna come, Jen, ah,  _ ah!” _

Judy comes with a ragged cry, losing her ability to hold herself up and sinking further into Jen’s hands. Jen can feel her clenching hot and wet around her fingers and she slows her movements, helping Judy to come down. Her breath slows from rapid pants to heavy sighs and she writhes under Jen’s touch. Jen pulls her hands away and takes in the sight of Judy — spent and beaming — actually seeming to glow under the warm lights. Judy turns over onto her back, flushed and covered in a sheen of sweat. Her smile takes over her face, and Jen can only lean down and kiss her.

"You sound so pretty when you come," Jen purrs, falling around Judy in a protective embrace. “I love you.” She kisses her cheek and softly strokes her arm, her thighs, anywhere she can reach. Touch is one of Judy's love languages and Jen has become fluent. 

"I love you so much," Judy sighs, resting her head on Jen's chest, but only for a minute. Soon she's positioning her face between Jen’s thighs and parting Jen’s folds with her thumbs. 

“Oh fuck,” Jen gasps as Judy licks her fully with the flat of her tongue. Jen can hear how wet she is as Judy’s mouth moves against her, bringing her almost embarrassingly close to the edge after just a couple minutes. Judy pulls away from her and Jen whimpers, thrusting her hips against the open air. Long, slender fingers slip inside of her and curl just so as Judy comes up to kiss her. Jen can feel her wetness dripping down her ass and making a wet spot on the sheet under her but she can’t bring herself to care; all she cares about is the way Judy is adding a third finger and hitting her clit with the heel of her hand on each thrust.

Jen’s orgasm takes her by surprise, no real build up before it hits her, and she’s keening into Judy’s neck as she comes, cradled in her arms. She comes down with Judy kissing her face, her breath ragged and shallow.

“Worth losing for?” Judy asks smugly, and Jen can barely conceptualize the thought that she’d lose a hundred times over just for Judy to keep making her feel this way. 

“Don’t make me tickle you again,” she says instead, and pulls Judy into a snug embrace.


End file.
